I've been banging on about happiness and positivity on these pages for quite a while now. There's a reason for this- it's probably the state of mind that we are most concerned with, throughout the course of our time on the planet. And yet it can also be so elusive, so unattainable, even though that does not have to be the case....

Here in Christchurch, it's been especially important this year, to hold on to all glimmers of posititivty, to be alert to all opportunities for happiness. And that's certainly been helped by some excitement that's come our way in recent weeks, from the Rugby World Cup that New Zealand is currently hosting. We are two weeks into it now, with another four to go. The All Blacks have been very exciting to watch- their win over France on the weekend showing how consistently talented they are.... Anyway, back to the good stuff:

1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions — such as fear, sadness, or anxiety — as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.
2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning. 
3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the size of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on, and by our interpretation of external events.  Do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity? Incorporate elements of happiness into your daily routine, helping you to create sustained happiness.
4. Simplify. Generally, we are much too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much. 
5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do — or don't do — with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.
6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. All too often we take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savour the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.
7. Do something for someone else, no matter how minor this may be...Remember that  old chestnut about it being better to give than to receive? It's true...

 Thanks to everyone who visits these pages, especially the regulars. Numbers continue to grow every month....
 

We can spend so much time in our waking hours hoping that other people think well of us. Or worry even more about others not liking or approving of us. Somehow or other, most of us get caught up to varying degrees in the need to be approved of by others. I guess it's understandable in some way, why we might want to have those we are close to think well of us. But this often extends out- way way out, where the opinion of a complete stranger, someone we may never see again, also matters. What would your life be like, if you decided once and for all, that other's opinions of you really do not matter? That what other people think of you really is none of your business? Their thoughts are theirs- not yours.

You can really wind up with a major head-ache, if you spend too much time worrying about what other people think of you. Because the reality is that only some people will approve of us, or like us at any one time. And even the people doing the liking, are likely to change on a day by day basis, for reasons that are completely unknown to you- and  are probably unknown to them too, if the truth be known.

Everyone sees the world through slightly different lenses- and that is OK. It's as it should be. We are all unique with our own views and opinions. But this means that everyone else is going to see us in a slightly different way also. This of course means that at any one time, there will be a whole raft of opinions floating around us (mostly silent, we hope). Some  of these will see us as being the greatest human being to walk on the planet, whilst other opinions may even deem us to be a complete and utter waste of space. And most of the other people's opinions will be somewhere in between. 

We can't please everybody- because everyone everyone everyone will expect something slightly different of us. If you think about it, you can probably pick out those people who get caught up in trying to continually please everyone else, so easily worried about what  everyone else will think well of them. They usually agree with everyone else's contrasting opinions. They avoid all forms of conflict (because we all know that conflict is such a terrible terrible thing.......), and they have no real ideas, as they value the  opinions of others more highly than they value their own.

So it makes a lot of sense to allow ourselves to not be too influenced by what others think of us. Because everyone will have a slightly different view of us. So that in itself makes it impossible to have everyone like us. In the end the opinion that matters the most, the person whose ideas are the most useful to you, and whose approval you need more than anyone else on the planet, can be found lurking in your bathroom. Beaming out at you from that glass reflective thingy above the hand-basin. Wipe the steam off the glass, look them in the eye and tell them what a champ they are....

Jump right over here to read three important points for being true to yourself

I'm going to mean what I say here. Or say what I mean. Or say something... Which is in this blog post, to not say anything about earthquakes for a change. The E word will not be mentioned here today- ( see my last blog post, if you are not from around here and are wondering what I'm on about.....) 

I wanted to mention a couple of extra things about positivity and happiness, but especially happiness. I've mentioned these before, because they are so important.  In a problem-saturated world (or may be it's not so much the world that is problem-saturated, but our conversations with each other), it is so easy to focus on the negative, on what is not going right. This is especially so for those of us living in an environment that had been completely devastated by you-know-what.  Yet in amongst it all, there are still some amazing people who are not just resilient, but are  also very happy. Even though they have been exposed to as much of the devastation from those- ground-shaking-thingies as the rest of us, they are surprisingly upbeat.

Happiness or optimism, or whatever we want to call it, can seem an elusive state at times. Easily achieved on one hand, yet on other occasions feeling like it is unattainable. And in a world that is driven by consumerism, it is so easy to think that the source of happiness is somewhere in there, in amongst the purchasing and the upsizing and the  relentless striving for self-improvement. But it is actually a lot more  simple and more accessible than that.

A big question is therefore about whether or not money can buy happiness. Well, yes it does. But also, no it doesn't.  What this means is that It can help with your levels of happiness if you have absolutely none of the basic essentials of life. But  after having your basic material needs met,  more money does not bring extra happiness. The enormous flat panel TV, the latest Ferrari even, and the money to buy them will give you a brief buzz for a short while only.  And if you want simple proof, ask yourself are your rich friends happier? And are the super-rich people of the world such as  Oprah or Bill Gates or Rupert Murdoch even happier still?  Especially not for Rupert Murdoch these days.... Once your income goes above the level of meeting your basic needs, it may then make your life a little more comfortable. But research shows that comfort  does not lead directly to happiness, but instead actually leads to boredom.

Speaking of happiness and money, our levels of happiness are likely to be higher, when we are around people (living near to, working with, socialising with, etc) with similar amounts of money, regardless of how much money that actually is. People who are  happier are likely to also live in closer proximity to family and friends.  They will be less likely to move away to take up promotions or exciting new jobs, because they know that they are happier by being around people who are important to them.

So if happiness is not about having more money, or more expensive stuff, what else is it about? Well, what is also important  is how we view the world. Specifically, this means when hard things happen to us, how  we will respond, or how will we view these hard things. Because in the end, the thing that happened becomes a difficulty or a source of unhappiness, because that is how we have chosen to view it. Sure. hard things happen, with the ''E word' being a good example. OK, so such events may not have actually made many people  happy. Yet there are some folks who have not been overwhelmed by them, who have faced the challenges from them head-on, and will ultimately come out as being more competent, more resourceful, and yes, even maybe more happy. The only difference, is attitude, or how they have viewed the event. The very same event  that the other person viewed in a way that then caused them to feel overwhelmed by.


How we choose to look at life and events is so crucial to our own sense of self....

Phew- it sure was a rocky old night last night. I checked the Geonet website this morning to discover there had been no less than 8 'quakes during the night. Some people out in the largely untouched western suburbs even lost power for a while. Poor them...

Like most folks- I'm heartily sick of all the quakes and all they bring, but of course continuing with life, as there are no real alternatives.  As most folks in Christchurch will also attest- there is only one conversation in town these days. It's an important conversation, and it's one that helps make sense of things, helps us process our own responses, and ultimately  helps us to also move forward, so its an important conversation to keep having with those around us. 

Sometimes though, it's not always a helpful conversation. What I'm meaning is that there are going to be days (and yes, these days will increase in time)  when you might feel quite good, quite on top of things, and then suddenly you are again in the middle of The Conversation, then walking away from it when you are finished, and then noticing that you are no longer feeling so good after all.

This highlights to me again, the importance of monitoring our own levels of stress, and of being protective or ourselves. If you are having a good day, makes sure it stays that way, by minimising your involvement in in-depth conversations about heavy duty earthquake stuff. Ensure that there are even days when you have a little earthquake bubble around you, when no earthquake stuff can get through. In a practical sense, this might mean allocating yourself one day a week, when you do not participate in The Conversation. And if someone wants to talk about earthquake stuff, that you discreetly remove yourself, or you even state outright, that  today you are in your earthquake-free zone, and will not be joining The Conversation today.


Go Well!