Bruce Mcnatty, family & Couple Therapist.






 
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"Put a vampire in it...." 03/07/2010
 
My mission to come to grips with blogging continues. It seems that serious bloggers are very prolific- I know this is true, because I've been subscribing to a couple of them lately. And these people seem to be blogging around the clock, if the rate I receive them at is anything to go by.. Apparently it's a no-no to not be accepting peoples comments and responses to the the things I post here. So I should do something about that. I'm also supposed to think about how to keep postings relevant and interesting. And current- that's where the vampire comes in. Seems they are everywhere these days- books, tv, movies and everyone is a bit besotted by them. Chuck in a vampire or two, and people will come in droves... 

But it turns out blog-wise (if such a word exists) I'm not doing too badly anyway- I had close to 400 readers during June, according to my web stats (now that I have figured out how to read them properly...). Not just clicks, but actually lingering readers of the blog. Though it seems everyone is just skipping right over the other  riveting stuff on my website (big sigh...), and going straight to the blog, as those other pages got very little action in comparison. But hey, not bad for a Baby Blogger just starting out, who doesn't really know what's going on in The Land of Blog. And maybe I have to spruce those other pages up a bit, make them more readable.

Speaking of vampires and other things that live forever, I'm always a little surprised when I hear about people/couples who thought that their relationship would last forever, but without any actual need for either of the participants to work at it. That the shiny sparkly chemistry that attracted them to each other, and got them into the relationship in the first place would somehow suffice, and they could go the distance based on that alone. The reality is, that it literally was just chemistry and was designed to just hook them up with each other. So yes, probably no real effort was needed, at least to start with..... Eventually though, that stuff was going to wear off, and if the couple did not need to work at things back then, they would need to now (ie., post-chemistry). 

Such is the natural order of things- we have to work at ALL our important relationships in life, even the less central ones, so why would it not follow that this central relationship, that is one of the most important of all, would also need to be worked at, if it is to endure? If I go to work and ignore my boss for a week or two, and if I do this periodically, chances are I will not still be  employed , there when it comes time to collect my gold watch at the end of my long and dis (ex?) tinguished career. I have to work at the relationship. That involves, amongst other things, being sociable and pleasant, doing what I am asked, plus sucking up to him from time to time: working at the relationship. Hopefully he is working at the relationship too- (but it's a given that there will be a power inbalance in that relationship, so he may not be working at it at all- he's the boss, after all).

Same in couple/marital relationships- people have to work at them. Yet there are people (who should really know better), who will walk away from a relationship (after the initial romance or chemistry has waned- and there is no set period for this) "because I fell out of love with him/her." Lazy, naive, or maybe both. Those that do the work, and go the distance, do discover some important and positive (albeit less shiny) things about their relationship over time.. I'll now have to mention those next time, as I see how much I've now written here....A good blog is a concise blog, especially if you are a beginner.

Happy 2010 Part Two...
 

    "Some occasional thoughts about families, relationships & other things that distract us ..." 


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